“Bring it on”
I am big on personal responsibility and choice. I know that we have a choice about how we feel about things and how we respond to the things around us. Now whilst that is mostly good and makes lots of circumstances much more pleasant and often fun, there are times when I still let things get under my skin. When this happens I can get quite cross with myself, because I know the theory and yet I have some emotion I don’t want eating away at me. I watch myself playing with all manner of solutions, I try to draw logical conclusions, re-frame things and just try to stop feeling whatever it is that is bugging me. Have you been there, do you know what I mean? Someone made a throw away comment, that wasn’t really to do with you, but you are still smarting about it several hours or even days later.
With my coaching clients I encourage them to practice mindfulness and being present wherever possible. I recently came across an idea in Mind Calm by Sandy Newbiggin, to really allow whatever emotion you feel to just be for a short while. View it with the mind-set of “Bring it on”. So I had been reading all this and in my mind completely accepting the fact that what we resist persists, but the difference between believing something in your brain and actually doing it is massive, so here is what happened to me:
I had recently met someone that I just didn’t take a liking to. Problem is I was going to have to work with them or make life really difficult for several people. I spent a lot of time trying to make myself feel differently. Trying to convince myself that my initial feelings were wrong. I had applied several rational arguments with myself, but the feelings kept coming up. So I decided to just spend a few minutes actually accepting that I didn’t like this person and that was ok. So I sat for a moment and thought to myself “ok bring it on let’s admit to these feelings and see what happens”. Within seconds my ill feelings had evaporated. Convinced it was just a fluke I tried it again with a couple of other things that I was feeling cross and grumpy over with the same result. By allowing myself to indulge in feeling whatever emotion was coming up for me all my discomfort just disappeared.
” Great tool” I thought to myself. Then a few days later I was rushing from a meeting to meet my mum, and I was really hungry. I tried to find somewhere to pick something up on route home, but couldn’t find anything easily. So with an hour’s drive ahead of me I was feeling pretty grumpy. Sitting in my car anticipating being a bit late already, I decided that maybe I should just really enjoy the sensation of being really hungry. If I am honest something I experience very rarely and never for long. I thought if I got really deep into the feeling and experience when I did actually get to having some lunch I would enjoy it all the more. So I readied myself and said “bring it on” completely ready to really feel hunger deep within my stomach. Moments later the feeling was completely gone! I was truly amazed at how allowing my-self to really feel what I considered to be a physical not emotional allowed the discomfort to completely evaporate.
So my advice to you, don’t just read this and say “yes I can see how that works”. Give it ago. Next time something uncomfortable is bugging you, open your mind, allow yourself to feel and say “Bring it on”. I am confident you will be glad you did!