Who is on your team?
I was coaching someone recently and she said to me “I need to be able to model myself” – I didn’t really get what she meant, so asked her to explain. She told me how on the good days she had all the resources she needs, she knows how to be cheerful, how to react to things and how to make the best of most situations. However, on the bad days she is miserable and just can’t seem to help herself. This got me thinking, and it struck me that we are not designed to be able to do it all on our own. We are social creatures and function best as part of a group, not as lone individuals. We are not supposed to be able to do everything on our own and we are at our best when we draw on others for support.
I suspect that in the majority of relationships, chores and responsibilities tend, over time, to be divided up – if not by design then by habit or accident. In our house hold, I mostly cook and my husband mostly loads the dishwasher. Either one of us is capable of doing both jobs but we both function much better when we feel supported. I am capable of doing the cleaning, but choose to spend money on a cleaner because I hate it. It is a chore that hangs over me and makes me miserable, which serves neither myself nor the people around me. Our cleaner does a fantastic job, she enjoys doing it, and as a result everyone in our house hold is happier.
We need people around us to see things differently and help out in their areas of skill or expertise. I remember in sixth form sitting down with another girl who I was in awe of; she was quiet, petite and shy. In contrast, I was loud and brash. We both confided how we would like to be like the other. I can now see that the world is a much better place for having us both.
As a bit of a control freak with Christmas nearly upon us, it is tempting for me to write a huge long list of all that needs to be done if we are to have the perfect Christmas. Then for me to plough through it refusing help along the way in some sort of quest for martyrdom. When I recognise that there are people around who would really like to help out and contribute, everyone is happier. There are no prizes for running the world alone, and when we open up to the support of others everyone is richer.
So with all that in mind, I have been reviewing my team for next year. Adding to my existing team of my cleaner, my plumber, my chiropractor, my friends, family and communities I belong to; I am adding a couple of coaches to help me with specific areas, in my business life; calling on their areas of expertise to support my own. I know that by having the right team in place to help me look after different aspects of my life, I will achieve so much more and be able to maximise my time doing the things I love, and as a result the things I am best at.